Normal People by Sally Rooney

I think maybe it's difficult for people to be sexually happy these days - to say this sex is good, that sex is bad - because they think maybe being hurt or choked is "normal" sex. Marianne is very submissive within sex and invites hurt, but Connell hates the idea - maybe because he has a good honest relationship with his mum. He loves his mum, she loves him back, there are no hidden issues. He doesn't hate any women, which puts him in a minority of men these days, it seems to me. His mum calls him out about his behaviour when he needs telling. He knows her values are based on kindness and honesty.

Marianne has an awful mum who doesn't love her and no father. She seems to be emotionally frozen but she is highly sexually aware of Connell. He is her connection. Sadly, very sadly, he betrays her trust.

The time that Marianne goes to Stockholm she gets involved with a man from the BDSM scene who seems to think tying her up and abusing her is what she wants and that he can manipulate her by saying "I love you" in this context and she is going to be grateful. She might have been, but she knows that what she had with Connell is love and so she is not deceived. How many women are? Oh, this is love, they think, while they are being choked or attacked. Really? It might be very edgy but is it love? No, it isn't.

I have some difficulty in believing in Connell as a character though I do believe in Marianne. Connell's problem is that he doesn't state what he wants, which is inconsistent with his character:- he is very intelligent and can make people like him. He knows Marianne very well, and he loves her. Why can't he tell her what he wants? When he finds himself travelling in Europe, writing long emails to Marianne, but having short facetime sessions with his girlfriend, he should realise how much more Marianne means to him than Helen, but if he notices he does nothing about it. But these two are young and what motivates them is projecting an attractive image in the wider social group (Normal People). This is truthful about the young. For Connell, it's great to have a wholesome medic girlfriend. It projects a good image.

There were two details that made me sad in this novel. One is that some characters went on a protest about something in Dublin and there was drumming and chanting. The right to drum and chant in the context of a protest is about to be removed from the people of the UK, and so the Irish will have those rights but the English will not, unless they protest more effectively than they are doing as I write. Another was that Marianne went on the Erasmus programme to Stockholm. Students in this country will not have access to the Erasmus programme because the UK government removed our students from it.

I liked that the students (particularly Marianne) were interested in all kinds of issues and not just their own lives in their own country.