Down

Wasted and wounded,
It ain't what the moon did
and I got what I paid for now...

It is a long time since I woke up singing (in my head) a Tom Waits song. I am right down low and feeling rejected - out of work and out of the loop. Yesterday I went to sign on at the jobcentre. This is not a terrible experience. I am sure a lot of the unemployed look forward to it, as the people are polite and sympathetic, to me anyway. I do remember certain of our learners at Redhill who used to get very angry at the jobcentre, feeling that they were being told to apply for jobs which did not exist, which I can certainly believe.

While I was sitting there waiting, a young man came in and he did look morose. He could have looked upbeat without his black beard and shaggy hair and his tendancy to sag his shoulders. He reminded me of a character in Cancer Ward called Oleg, but Oleg was big and this young man was slightly built. While I was sitting there I decided to pass the time by saying a prayer for him. I closed my eyes and said silently the blessing that goes: "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face... etc) Then when I opened my eyes the young man was smiling and laughing at me. How strange. I was wondering if he could read my mind, because there seemed to be no other explanation. I do not move my face when I pray. I was quite annoyed with him for reading my mind and then for laughing. Still, it was nice to see him happy. Then I was called away.

Another rejection yesterday. Sometimes I try to ask other people the reason for the rejection and they give me answers which I accept, but they don't know the whole story. The truth is, only I know the whole story, and in this case, I don't know what happened at the other end.

Yesterday I swam 40 lengths = 1000 metres.